If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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