I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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