How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
