i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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