he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
