Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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