All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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