i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
