before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
