Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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