Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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