Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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