I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
