Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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