I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
50% drunk capacity currently
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
