Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
