Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize