What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
