he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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