I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
