I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
