I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
