she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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