hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
