dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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