u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
