Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
