I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
