Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
