she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
