im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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