"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
