I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My liver just broke up with me...
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
