You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
