4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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