He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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