i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
