I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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