I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
