So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
