How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
