Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
