If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
