so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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