I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
