I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
