rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The feeling are messing with the penis
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
