ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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