Christians are straight up FREAKS
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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