zippers are such a cool invention
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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