Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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