Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize