Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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