don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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