I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
