You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Congratulations! We have a period
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
