do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
