Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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