I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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