Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
