can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
