Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
