also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
