So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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