just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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