All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
