You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
