We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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