i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
