My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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