I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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