Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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