I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
