yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
