i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
