i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
