Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Randomize
